Farmer In Trouble For Building Gallows

Via the BBC. Although Framer David Lucas, of Mildenhall, Suffolk doesn’t see anything wrong with it, he’s managed to get himself in trouble with Amnesty International for building execution equipment and selling it to African countries with poor human rights records.

You just have to wonder what kind of guy sits around his house thinking… “Hey, you know what it is the world needs that nobody is producing enough of? Execution equipment!” I can just seem him talking with his friends about what a killing (no pun intended) he could make by filling the third world’s untapped market for gallows.

You have to wonder though how much luck he would have trying to get a business loan from the bank. What kinds of euphemisms would he have to use on his business plan to get the loan officer to go along with it… Maybe he could call his gallows criminal justice systems… His business cards could read “Eye For an Eye Inc. The world’s leading producer of first class Criminal Justice Systems.”

The execution equipment he says he sells ranges from single gallows, at about £12,000 each, to “Multi-hanging Execution Systems” mounted on lorry trailers, costing about £100,000.

“Business is business, and some people deserved the death penalty,” said Lucas, defending his gallows sales. However, it looks like his niche market is on borrowed time because the new European Commission Trade Regulation, which comes into force on 31 July 2006 will make it unlawful to export gallows.

Sorry Mr. Lucas, it just looks like you’ll have to find another £100,000 piece of bling to spice up your lorry. Hopefully this time it won’t be used to for killing people.

6 thoughts on “Farmer In Trouble For Building Gallows

  1. I wonder if selling do-it-yourself gallow “kits” would be a problem?

    Do-It-Yourself Gallow Kit (by mattel)
    “Now with splinters!”
    Includes: beams, rope (pre-knotted), metal spikes, miscellaneous metal parts, and test dummy.

  2. F#$k Amnesty International. For starters, these bastards are completely humorless. Secondly, lots of people deserve a good killing. If you don’t recognize that, you have much larger issues than a poor guy trying to make a living.

    Poor human rights records? According to Amnesty International, any country that condones the death penalty has a poor human rights record by default.

    If Lucas were smart, he’d make his gallows convertible so that we can bring back crucifixions. Even better if they support upside-down crucifixions as well.

    The world needs more hangings, especially as Herr Bush and his lovely “occupations” drive up the cost of lead. Besides, lead is bad for the environment…

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