Burton Snowboards Rallys Boarders to Poach Fascist Resorts

Alta and Deer Valley in Utah, and Mad River Glen in Vermont are the only remaining ski resorts to maintain a ban on snowboards and riders have had enough of it. Poaching, a form of protest which involves sneaking in and snowboarding down the mountain despite the restriction has become commonplace at these resorts, but now Burton has stepped up and offered a $5,000 reward to the best video of a poached run on these slopes. Submitted videos can be seen here.

Some skiers are pretty up in arms about it, but I think it’s pretty cool. I am more of a casual snowboarder, but I have to confess that I am seriously considering poaching Mad River Glen because it has a wonderful “stick it to the man” quality about it. I especially like that Burton instructs poachers on how to avoid breaking laws while protesting with the “Poacher’s Ten Commandments”. It just smacks of the old school “SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME” stickers that I used to plaster everywhere.

It should be known that Taos Ski Mountain has lifted its ban on snowboarders, so we are down from four to only three.

Until snowboarders everywhere are free to ride where they want to ride, until the snow and the slopes of this great nation have been purged of the scourge of segregation, until the four elitist, fascist resorts lift their draconian bans, there shall be no rest, no justice, and no peace.

In the face of this blatant and aggressive disregard for the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America, poaching isn’t simply a peaceful form of protest, it is truly your patriotic duty.

-Jake Burton

Brattleboro Selectmen Ban Public Nudity

In a truly astounding display of cowardice and pandering to conservative whining, the Brattleboro selectmen narrowly approved an “emergency ordinance” banning public nudity on city streets today. Vermont, and Brattleboro in particular have a long history of tolerating nudity in public. The state, along with many of its towns have absolutely no law requiring that people wear cloths in public so long as they are minding their own business.

The “emergency” that precipitated the ordinance was an elderly Arizona man who decided to attend the city’s gallery walk in the nude. Apparently the conservative blowhards can handle it when nude people are young and beautiful, but they draw the line and call it an “emergency” when it’s an old saggy guy. Nice going fellas!

I can’t say that I truly understand why these people enjoy being nude in public, but I’m totally sick and tired of this country’s uptight and irrational hangups about the naked body. Many news articles covering this story have quotes from people saying things like “I don’t think children should be seeing this”. I suppose they would rather our children learn to be ashamed of their bodies and perpetuate the misconception in this country that all nudity is sexual? Don’t you think the more casual attitudes towards nudity we see thru-out much of Europe are a lot healthier for our children than America’s ludicrous, Christian imposed complex about it? I don’t have children, but if I did, I would much rather they be exposed to nudity outside the sexual context so they could realize that everyone’s body is different and that it is OK for them not to look exactly like the models in glamour magazines.

A naked body is something that each and every one of us have, but for some reason we are taught to be ashamed of it. Like it or not, most of the body-image issues and eating disorders that prevail in this country can be directly traced back to our villification of the naked body. Wouldn’t it be great to see people from all over the country descend upon the streets of Brattleboro and stage a Spencer Tunick style installation of thousands of naked bodies in protest of this draconian ordinance? I certainly think so.

Say “Credit” to Protest

If you’re like me, you pay for most everything with your debit card. The companies I frequent, of course, would rather I run the card through as debit to avoid the 3% service charge that Master Card imposes on purchases that are made using the credit option. To me it makes no difference. The money comes out of my checking account either way, so I have started to make the decision on how I run the card based on the degree to which I like, or don’t like the company or store where I’m shopping.

Since I live in rural New England and my choices are limited, I sometimes have to shop at places I don’t like, so forcing these establishments to run my purchase through as credit has become my way of protesting them. Since I tend to prefer small, locally owned businesses to large, box stores like Home Depot, there is also the added benefit of giving the little guys an advantage over the large, National chains. Will it make any difference in the end? Most likely not, but if I can cut into Walmart’s bottom line by 3%, all the better in my mind.

So, should you find yourself shopping at a place you don’t like, say “credit” rather than “debit” when you check out and knock a little off their annual profit report.