Real-Life Derek Zoolander

September 1, 2005 | Filed Under All Stories

Since leaving the desolate wasteland of PHPNuke for the bountiful fields of WordPress, I have become quite a fan of the software, and regularly visit developer Matthew Mullenweg’s site “photomatt.net” to see what’s going on with with WordPress development. So, you can imagine my surprise when instead of going to photomatt.net, I mistakenly went to photomatt.org and discovered a real-life Derek Zoolander.

For those who have seen the movie “Zoolander” the hilarity of Matt Blalock’s headshots will become instantly apparent. For those of you who have not, Derek Zoolander is a dumber-than-a-stump male model character played by Ben Stiller who has names for all his “looks” and wants to build “The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids That Can’t Read Good”.

Apparently poor Matt is having a “phase” and has had to take down his old site due to some male model frustrations. He says:

Sorry to disappoint you all, but I’m currently going through a bit of a “phase” and I’ve pulled down all of the material that was on this site in order to bring you something that I actually enjoyed. Yes, I enjoyed the last site just fine and dandy but I want something different. So please bear with me while I get it all redesigned and reuploaded.

But luckily for all of us he has kept his photos up for a “Special Someone”.

For a special someone…my photos are still on the site…click the smileie!!

WOW, Matt! That person must sure be special for you to go all the way from tearing down your website because of a tragic “phase” to “my photos are still on the site”! Hopefully you get through your “phase” without too much trouble.

Then he says:

Here ya go….all for you. My photos. Sorry they’re not all small and stuff, that takes work and you know how I’m crunched for time these days. However…I think you deserve them since you asked.

Don’t worry Matt… We understand how rough it can be to thumbnail images for the web. We’re just glad the pictures are still up.

Unlike Derek Zoolander, Matt has not named his “looks”, so I have taken the liberty of naming some of the better ones for him. Feel free to comment if you have better names than the ones I’ve come up with.

Smug Iceman >
Ponderous Fusion >
Notable Intensity >
Cold Fission >
Icy Hot Killa >

How long until we see the “Matt Blalock Center for Kids Who Can’t Compose Photos Good”, or the “Matt Blalock Center for Hilarious Headshots”? I can’t wait!

Tags: ben stiller, cms, coi puppy, derek zoolander, dork, fashion, funny, headshot, idiot, lame, looks, male model, matt blalock, photo, phpnuke, picture, runway, stupid web mistake, wordpress, zoolander

Discuss This Article

15 Responses to “Real-Life Derek Zoolander”

Matt on September 1st, 2005 1:29 pm #

I think Cliff secretly has a man-crush.
al on September 1st, 2005 2:10 pm #

I think Icy Hot Killa should be renamed to “flip me over and take me now big boy” hehehe
Nico on September 2nd, 2005 3:16 pm #

This is some of the best stuff I have read for a long time.
Richard Dunlop-Walters on September 2nd, 2005 5:34 pm #

I wish I hadn’t clicked that “smileie”.
Dan Wolfgang on September 2nd, 2005 7:13 pm #

Ha! This is just too funny! What you’ve labeled “Notable Intensity” makes me think of Grover from Sesame Street–”near… far!”
Christine on September 2nd, 2005 9:50 pm #

Awww, man. I’m laughing so hard I’m on the verge of crying. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

Definitely the new Zoolander!
Eric on September 2nd, 2005 10:15 pm #

Oh, this is indeed funny. But I can’t stand to see any longer LOL. I want my bandwith back!
Smoove D on September 3rd, 2005 5:27 pm #

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing that site, I needed to spray coffee all over my computer.
Brian Meidell on September 5th, 2005 3:02 am #

I wish I could laugh, but it’s just so sad
Joolz on September 6th, 2005 1:00 pm #

You’re never alone with two chins
kyle on January 12th, 2006 5:00 pm #

And now that I’ve been made aware of this hilarity, the site is gone forever!
David on January 13th, 2006 11:40 am #

Guess what I found!!!!!

http://images.google.com/images?q=photomatt.org&hl=en&hs=b5k&lr=&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&sa=N&tab=wi&sourceid=tipimg

I’ve created a new web 2.0 app at GinormousURL.com, feel free to try it yourself.
cliff on January 13th, 2006 2:36 pm #

Web.archive.org also has some bits of the original site http://web.archive.org/web/20050209064532/http://www.photomatt.org/
Vasken on April 24th, 2007 1:56 pm #

But can he turn in both directions?
leslie on June 10th, 2008 11:06 pm #

hi my name is leslie whalen