Ok, so we all know that Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face when they were out killing animals last weekend. Some of the radical right-wing media is trying to play it off as “no big deal”, but I bet Harry Whittington, the guy who took the shotgun blast to the head and throat might have a slightly different story. Especially given that his gunshot injuries ultimately led to a heart attack.
Now I wasn’t even going to write about this one because it’s being pretty well covered by everyone else, but it turns out that people are coming to SpiralBound looking to read about it…
What can I say? This one kinda writes itself… Cheney’s an idiot who’s far too incompetent to handle much of anything, let alone a firearm. I wonder what does the NRA has to say about this? I can only imagine that Cheney has not taken any firearm safety classes, and if I were them, I’d be pretty quick about pointing out his lack of qualifications to be handling a gun.
Some people are suggesting that Cheney mistook Harry Whittington for Scooter Libby or a member of Al Qaeda. It’s pretty clear though that most people are finding it tough to feel sorry for the nasty, right-wing, republican fundraising lawyer that got shot.
It’s also important to note that the TV funnymen have been having a good time with this one… Here are some excerpts:
** Late Show with David Letterman,’ CBS
“Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It’s Dick Cheney.”
“But here is the sad part — before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy’s request for body armor.”
“We can’t get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney.”
“The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he’s fine. He took a little in the wallet.”
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** ‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,’ NBC
“Although it is beautiful here in California, the weather back East has been atrocious. There was so much snow in Washington, D.C., Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fat guy thinking it was a polar bear.
“That’s the big story over the weekend. … Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent.”
“I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, ‘Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?”’
“Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine’s Day. It’s the new Dick Cheney cologne. It’s called Duck!”
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** ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,’ Comedy Central
“Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt … making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, [was] shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird.”
“Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. … But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. … moms, dads, if you’re watching right now, I can’t emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don’t care what kind of lucrative contracts they’re trying to land, or energy regulations they’re trying to get lifted — it’s just not worth it.”
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Dick Cheney shoots a lawyer; no problem. Bill Clinton engages in consensual sex; big problem. But don’t worry, if there is an investigation of the Cheney accident, you can be sure that the vice president will not be put under oath, so there will be no penalty if he lies. Republicans don’t believe in being put under oath. They want you to trust them.
Now what I want to know is why the major news outlets have not put together a computer animated 3D re-enactment of the shooting, like they did for Bob Woodruff. That would be truly fun to see!
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I look forward to this weekend’s portrayal of the event done by Saturday Night Live.
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